Monday, August 1, 2011

Guide to Blackouts

You wake up facedown, on a cold cement floor. The first thing you register is the gut-wrenching feeling in your stomach. You look around and realize you’re in a small stone cabin. Looking down you realize you’re wearing someone else’s clothes and you don’t know why. As you stumble to your feet you realize you are missing a shoe. It is nowhere in sight. Finding your way out of the cabin you realize you’re in even bigger trouble; the cabin is in the middle of the woods. You dig into the murky cloud of memories from the night before. The last thing you remember is smashing the bottom off a beer bottle to funnel Rubinoff. Then…blank. That’s right; you blacked the fuck out.

Don’t panic, blackouts aren’t anything to worry about. In fact, they can be pretty fun. And if you follow this helpful guide you’ll be laughing about this in no time. (Your friends are probably laughing about it already.) Unless you read this guide while blacked out…talk about a 1.75 liter of irony.

1. Smile. You probably just had an awesome night. No matter how many people you pissed off or regrettable things you did, odds are you had a blast doing it. At the very least you’ve probably earned yourself a funny story, even if you aren’t the best person to tell it.